Unspoken Love
by Nonni1101
Summary: Sophie was broken. Bruised and battered from love that was too young to be love. From her heartbreaker and life itself. Surviving without him was a completely different lifestyle. One that only he could fix. And he will...maybe.
1. How it was

It was perfect. Completely perfect in every way. The 100 degree weather didn't matter to any of us. The humidity in the air, the sun beating down, it was all invisible to me. I was in the moment, we all were in the moment.

Nothing can compete with the endless days spent sitting out on the rocks. Our rocks. Infamous in themselves. It really wasn't much, just some old trees, dead leaves, and a bunch of rocks. But it was more than that, it was the beginning and part of the journey. It all started at the rocks.

I was a different person then, shyer, more timid, afraid. I had just hung up from a brief phone call from Natalie. She was different then too, but still not afraid, she was never afraid.

" Hey the boys are outside you wanna come down?" She asked as I answered her call.

"Sure, yeah." I replied, "Where are you guys?" It was unusual for us to be spending time with our neighbors, "the boys". Three brothers who we hadn't been seen with since we were 6 years old.

"The rocks." She answered.

At this time, we never met on the rocks, they were meaningless to me. "What rocks?" I asked, clueless.

"The ones outside my yard."

"Okay, see you in five." I hung up.

I used to get phone calls like this all the time up until 1st or 2nd grade. Our neighborhood was a community then , weekends were spent entirely outside playing in backyards, soaking up the sun, or riding bikes together.

I ran upstairs and did a complete costume change in less than 4 minutes and raced out the door after screaming that I wouldd be "Out with Natalie!". But as soon as I hopped on my bike to ride 2 houses down to our new meeting spot, I froze. Scared and alone. What if they're different? What if they left? What if they don't want me there? Thoughts rushed around in my head. 2 minutes later a cute, 6 year old Aidan rode towards me on his trycycle.

"Come on, Sophie. Ryan wants you down there. Now."

Ryan wanted me down there. Ryan never wanted me to do anything. Although the whole town was convinced that we would be getting married someday.

I followed the toddler down to the rocks. Where the first memory of that summer was made. Spending hours talking about pointless subjects and summer plans and vacations was incredible. It seemed like we had been talking for years.

That was followed by day after day of new jokes and new memories. From splashing around in hose water (no pool access) to basketball matches that were clearly unfair were things that would mean a lot to me later. I didn't know that they would mean nothing to him.

It was a complete whirlwind for me. I don't think I realized it, but little by little I was falling in love. With Ryan or with my friends or with myself don't ask. I have no idea. I really think it was this completely new lifestyle that was so grown up and independant yet made me feel 6 years old again, clinging onto whatever little childhood I had left.

I had always been mature, my body, my face, my personality. I always knew but didn't think that much about it. But when I started to see my friends still clinging onto that cherished childhood stuffed dog, when I had never played with the few that people tried to buy me. Or when people told stories about dragging dolls everywhere they went, the kind of stories where everyone at the dinner table laughs, I had none of those. It made me feel like I had had no childhood whatsoever.

I was wrong. I had had a good childhood. Actually a great childhood filled with many different people and diferent things. While all the other 1st graders were having tea parties with their barbies I was outside, making forts in the woods with my friends.

Well, they were my friends...then.


	2. How it is

Years pass. Faster then anyone knows. And every New Year's Eve as soon as the ball drops and there's kissing and cheering and celebration I have this twinge of pain. Pain that says this is another year without them, as a completely different person then I was then. But I wasn't the only one who had changed that much. If anything, I had changed the least.

As seconds ticked away every day Ryan drifted away from me. So far away that it got to the point where I wondered if he was ever standing next to me in the first place. But you were. I have the pictures and endless videos proving it. So why did you need to make me second guess that. Why did you need to break my heart so you would feel cool and okay?

Was I in love with Ryan? Now? Then? I had gotten my first kiss, first date, first relationship out of the way. Only because I knew he wasn't waiting for me to have any of those experiences with me. Now I was with Brian. He was...Brain. Nothing wrong with him. He's sweet, and that's important since I'm such a hopeless romantic. He cares and he tries. A lot. He's what every girl could possibly want. Which is why I can't let him go...It would only make me feel lonelier. And I know he's not Ryan. He's not who I want to be with. But life isn't fair so why do relationships have to be?

It wasn't me who ended. It was him. He dumped me. Yay! (not) He said I didn't care, put no effort into our relationship and it wasn't like I was bending my back for him. He was someone to make me feel good. Console me for loosing Ryan. Even though he had no clue that's the only reason I needed him I felt bad when he said we were over. I felt like he was Ryan, escaping my life because I wasn't good enough for him.


End file.
